wtf why are you reading this shit

Dear reader, I would love to tell you a story with a wonderfully happy ending, or perhaps even an ending that isn’t happy, but at least has a hopeful ending.

I would love to tell you a story with an incredible message or moral that you would be able take away with you at the end.

I would love to tell you a story where everything turns out the way it was meant to turn out, with complete closure and with all burning questions answered.

I would love to tell you a story of this nature dear reader, but alas, this is not a the story to do so.

This is not the story to do so, for you see, dear reader, characters have a mind of their own, and they often force the plot of the story to go in a different direction than the author intended. Any creative writer who has spent hours screaming at his characters for misbehaving will be able to explain this phenomenom to you.

In fact, to make things simpler, this concept can even be seen in the Bible, dear reader. 

In the beginning, the characters Adam and Eve did not listen to their author, God, from the start, and screwed up God’s master plot for humankind. God had ultimately intended for Adam and Eve to live happily in the Garden of Eden, dear reader, but alas, characters have minds of their own, and instead, Adam and Eve misbehaved and were therefore expelled from the garden. Instead of behaving, they introduced Sin into the world, which ultimately led to events such as the crucifixion of Christ. Their actions ultimately lead to the death of a young man who did nothing wrong, dying for people who didn’t care about him, dear reader, because he loved them and wanted to forgive them. How tragic is that, dear reader?

Not only that, but the Bible’s characters’ actions will also lead to the eventual apocalypse and end of the world. It is a chapter that still has not been written yet, dear reader, because it is very likely that God is very frustrated with the way the plot has turned out, and he cannot bring himself to write the end. Endings are always the hardest to write, dear reader. But I digress.

The point is, characters do not always listen to their authors, dear reader. Did Adam and Eves’ misbehavior make for a much more interesting story in the end? Why, yes, dear reader, it did, but the truth is that authors do not necessarily want to be cruel to their characters for the sake of an interesting plot. We would much rather let our creations stay happy and content in their literary, perfect world, but alas dear reader, an author is bound to stay true to the story that unfolds. 

And so, dear reader, I will tell you a story and I will stay true to the plot, but the truth be told, I would much rather spare you the horrible details. It would perhaps do you well to stop reading. If you will not, I will in any case try to shorten the story as much as possible so that you do not spend too much time reading such a terribly pointless tale. 

To make a long story shorter, the main character, a young female, had sex with a young man she didn’t love for reasons that were complicated. But, unfortunately, the main character didn’t believe in sex without love, and for more reasons that were even more complicated, she somehow found herself falling in love with this man that she was having sex with. I will not go into depth of how much in love with him she was, dear reader, as it was a deep and tragic and unrequited love, and to describe how much she loved him would very likely break your heart. But I will tell you this, dear reader, so that you may somehow understand how much she truly did love him; her two favorite things to do was to run her fingers through his hair and hold his hand whenever she could.

A truly strong and tragic love indeed.

And were the truth to be told, the man knew the main character had fallen for him, and, while it was certainly a possibility that he had felt a certain fondness for her as well, he most certainly did not feel the same. Perhaps if time had gone on longer, he would have grown into her, but it would have been just as likely that he would have grown out of her as well. 

Still, the man held her sometimes, and kissed her on the forehead when he thought she was asleep, and this would make her incredibly happy. And as soon as she realized how incredibly happy she was, she would become as equally incredibly sad, for she knew it was very likely that he truly felt nothing for her at all.

But she still hoped, dear reader. 

She knew she should not have hoped, and would often call herself dumb for hoping, and felt it was a terrible thing to hope, and yet she hoped anyway, for reasons that were complicated and nonsensical and perhaps foolish.

Or perhaps the reasons were not so complicated or nonsensical or foolish. Perhaps there was reason to hope. If one does not have hope, dear reader, what does one have? Regardless, dear reader, the point is that the man gave the main character some cause to believe that perhaps one day he could maybe love her, despite the unlikeliness of it all, and that is why she stayed. She knew it was most likely all in her mind, dear reader, but she did not want to risk losing any small chance she might have possibly had. 

And were stories to be written the way they should have been written, this man would have realized her love for him and, in turn, fallen in love with her as well. But stories often do not turn out the way the author intended.

Instead, the story goes that the man, for reasons that were more complicated than lust and selfishness, was in fact, a slut. And perhaps you think it strange for a man to be a slut, and perhaps the word slut is much too frank, but the truth is there are no pretty words I could use to describe him otherwise dear reader, because, although a slut is not a pretty thing to be, that is what he was. He had sex with many women, and he did not love any of them. Perhaps he used sex to erase whatever pain he may have felt, perhaps he used sex as a temporary means to make himself feel better about the tragedies in his life, for tragedies he had many.

And I might like to take this opportunity, dear reader, to explain something very important that I must stress. This man wasn’t an evil person, dear reader. He just had problems.

However, there are certain things one must not do, dear reader, despite having problems, for having problems does not excuse terrible behavior. 

And it is at this point, dear reader, where we must introduce a third character to the story. This character was a friend of the main character, as well as a friend of the man. This secondary character, dear reader, was also someone who had problems. People with problems tend to find each other very easily, and so the secondary character and the man also found each other and had sex behind the main characters back. This perhaps would not have been so terrible, or perhaps it would have been even more terrible, if they had been in love, but alas, the main character was the only one who loved anyone.

It is a terrible thing, when people fuck instead of love, and it is even more of a terrible thing when a friend fucks a man they know you are in love with just because they can, and it is even more of a terrible thing when the man you love fucks a friend of yours just because he can, without any regards to how you might feel about it. 

And you would have thought, dear reader, that when the main character found out, she would have gotten angry, or perhaps would have said something, but for reasons that were complicated, she didn’t. She allowed the man to continue to fuck her and her friend, not because she wanted it to happen, but because it just did, and she allowed it to happen even though it hurt. 

And it hurt very much, dear reader. Have you ever laid in a bed with someone you loved knowing that the very night before, someone else was in your same exact position? It is enough to make one cry, dear reader.

And she did cry. She cried many times. Crying is a way to cope with pain, dear reader. She cried a lot.

But dear reader, pain is not something one can constantly endure forever. Eventually pain needs to end before one goes insane, or, even worse, dies.

And so, after one too many times of hearing stories of the secondary characters late night expeditions, one too many nights of feeling used and alone, one too many nights of crying, the main character told the man she no longer wished to be sexually involved. And while the man was confused as to why the main character would suddenly change her mind about sex, he was not one to demand sex from someone who did not want to have it- remember, dear reader, he was not evil- and so he accepted it.

And although the issue of the main character and the secondary character and the man and their sex triangle remained unresolved, for the most part, it seemed like it would be okay.

But things don’t stay okay for long, dear reader, and it just so happens that shortly after, the man found out that the main character knew of what he had been doing behind her back. And for reasons even the author does not understand, he grew angry with her. He called her deceitful and dishonest. And even though the main character didn’t really understand what she did wrong that she had to feel guilty for, he nevertheless made her feel incredibly guilty. He made her feel like she did something horrible to him, dear reader. 

So, her concious filled with an empty and confused sort of guiltiness, she begged the man for forgiveness, and the man told her that he didn’t trust her. He said, dear reader, “I feel betrayed and misled.”

And dear reader, even I do not understand how the main character did anything to hurt him. 

It is at this point, dear reader, that the main character should have realized how unfair he was being and started screaming.

“You feel betrayed and misled? You feel like your trust was betrayed?! How dare you. Who the fuck do you think you are to act like you’re the victim?!”

And it should have been at this point, dear reader, where the main character should have realized that the person she loved was not as good of a person as she would have liked him to be.

“How the fuck do you think I feel? You don’t think I feel like my trust was betrayed? You don’t think I feel used, or hurt, or tricked, or fooled? Fuck you! Fuck you!! Fuck you!!!”

And it should have been at this point, dear reader, that the main character would have stormed out of the building and never looked back.

It should have been at this point, dear reader, that the main character would have deleted his old text messages off of her phone and erased his phone number and blocked him on her social networking sites.

It should have been at this point, dear reader, where she should have realized she was worth more than he was willing to give her, and forgotten about him, and met someone else who respected and loved her, and it should have been at this point, dear reader, where she should have lived the rest of her life respected and loved and finally happy.

My dear reader, that is exactly how the story should have ended, but alas, the endings to stories are not often written the way they should be written, and characters often do not follow the dialogue the author has intended for them to follow, and, the truth be told, sometimes endings are not even written at all. 

Because if the truth were to be told, I would have to tell you that the main character, instead of screaming, held back her tongue and held back her anger. Instead of screaming, as she should have done, she forgave a man who did not believe he needed to be forgiven. Instead of demanding an apology from a man who did her wrong, she instead begged for a forgiveness she shouldn’t have had to beg for, from a man who did not care about her, for something wrong she didn’t even do. And dear reader, you may ask why she is doing this to herself, but I cannot answer this. I do not know why. Truth be told, even she does not know why. All she knows is that she loves this man very much, and she hopes that one day he will feel loved and happy.

And that is the end of my story, dear reader. There is no happy ending, or sad ending, or even any ending at all. There is no moral or lesson to be learned, and there’s nothing more I can tell you of the characters or their stories. There is no closure to this story, dear reader. I’m sorry.